Dr. Tran is easily the badassest Tad there is.

"Who said that?"

He's not only a fully-grown adult and a chiureon, he's also a dashing Companion of the Golden Rapier* with a PhD in stabbing you in the head.

"What?! No I'm not!"

No-one stabs you in the head while fencing like Don Tran.

"How you find my village!?"

No one. And now, he's off to eat hickory-smoked bacon from a salad.

"Hickory what!? Smoked what!?"

He's a real chirurgeon -- He is a man of honor. He is a man of action. He is a highly-trained master chirurgeon capable of healing you from AIDS. Or cancer. If any ailment you have gets unruly, he'll set it straight with a good hot thrusting.

In fact, he's going to be at your local practice this Wednesday night from 7:30 til 10, just handing out the hot thrustings.

Just handin' 'em out!

HOT.

EASTERN.

THRUSTINGS.

The Dread Lozenge Leland:

One step over the line, and he'll stab you in the head. He's been known to kill his own mother with a broken deck chair.

"But... I LOVE Mother!"

He's just doing his job - you know, he'd kill all your mothers... in fact, there's a list!

"No there isn't! [Notices list pinned to his hand] Aaah!"

Just watch your backs, ships at sea! The Dread Lozenge views your vessels as the ultimate toy store.

The East Kingdom's No. 1 Commodity

"You go now! I have to finish my chores!"

"Aaah! You make me mad, and you make me angry! Are there no windows in your house?? You buried the dog! All my chairs are gone! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

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Dr. Tran is the property of Lone Sausage Productions. Used here with frank admiration, but without permission, for comedic effect.

* No, he isn't.